Umm I'm too high to move.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
