I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
