"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
