just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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