there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
