tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
