Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
