what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
