she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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