Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Randomize
