I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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