how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize