this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
