I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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