you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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