My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
