if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
You've changed since you got that strap on
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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