So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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