he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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