Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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