I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I'm experimenting with sincerity
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
