i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
