i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
