It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
