"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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