i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
