yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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