There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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