Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
