fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
