we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
