He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
