I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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