I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
