i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize