they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
