wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
My vagina is officially offended.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Randomize
