Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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