fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
