I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
