turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
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