I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
