Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
did i just pee glitter
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
