I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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