You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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