It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Ketchup is God's man juice
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
