he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize