Kiss
Puke
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
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