You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Randomize
