Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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