I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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