Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
