You kept calling me your small dog last night.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
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