upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
