i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
