lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
