Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize