if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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