When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
