In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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