This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
birth control should be required to get into college
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
