i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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