Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize