Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
