why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
