OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
