Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
