Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
