If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
