Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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