I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
