just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize