shes about as inviting as chlamydia
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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