Porn is love you can see.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
