Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I just blew my weed a kiss
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
