I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
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