Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
