I'm gonna have a badass scar
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Randomize
