google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
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