fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
