i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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