woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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