Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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