saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
