So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Randomize
