was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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