Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Randomize
