sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
