we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
