so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize