i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
