Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
