i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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