Just fell off a train. Bad.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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