She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
