well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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