She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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