I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
