Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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