i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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