Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
