i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
